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Christmas can be a pretty expensive time of the year, as you find yourself traipsing round the shops trying to find gifts for your entire family, your best mate, your secret Santa at work and your next-door neighbour's dog's auntie's cousin. But a sex expert reckons the best gift you could give your other half is actually one that's completely free: a cheat pass. Wait, what?

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My wonderful wife and I have been married for 18 years and have three children, but our sex life is non-existent. Is it ever really possible for this to happen without damaging a relationship? If you have any plans to take your wife up on this offer make sure you get her to put it in writing first.

Years: 22
Available for: Male
Color of my iris: Huge hazel green eyes
Sex: Girl
What I prefer to drink: Red wine
I like to listen: Classical
Hobbies: Fishing
My piercing: Tragus piercing

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The solution to our sexual problems seemed clear.

Miscarriage in ireland: "i am so sorry, but your baby has no heartbeat"

You want mind-blowing sex? Fine, go out and get it. A roundtrip, a rump ride — with someone else.

The idea had been stewing abstractly for years. It started when I began to feel guilty for not screwing my husband after the birth of our two babies 16 months apart. If sex is that important, he can go somewhere else to get it. It just seemed so unfair, though, to me, to us. Why is a sexless marriage an automatic precursor to divorce?

How can not having sex negate all of the other wonderful things about our marriage? Why was it sex, or nothing? I tried all that. And you know what? With wine, it feels tolerable. I even initiated some nights.

I broke out my sexy lingerie and pounced on him like a porn star. I was pretending to be horny. I was faking a libido.

The night i gave my husband a free pass

As much as our sexual Sahara bothers my husband, it bothers me too. How can having a baby ruin my libido like this?

I refuse to believe that romance wholly makes up a marriage. I know there is great stuff here. There is more than enough good stuff to sustain us, as a couple, as a family, while the romance of our relationship takes a rendezvous. Have a free pass.

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My eyes welled up, but no tears. I looked down at the ground.

I offered because I DO love him. I just feel all of this pressure. Pressure to be a good, hot, skinny, sexy wife who knows how to bone you like a freaky prostitute, and put dinner on the table, and ask you how your day was, and be this loving mother to my kids — oh, and kick ass at my job.

This is true. If I ordered take-out every night.

I struggle to enjoy sex, so i offered my husband a free pass

If I was never successful in my career. Love and sex. This is real life. I love my husband, but the sex switch is sometimes stuck. For long periods of time. My story is no different from that of anyone else with young. Because adding more items to my current to-do list will cause me to go clinically insane.

​sex expert believes you should give your partner a ‘cheat pass’ for christmas

Then enter in my post-baby body issues. Can we just take the romance out of the relationship for a moment? Can we just focus on raising these tiny, needy, helpless human beings for one moment and leave our ideals out of it? For godssakes, the sex will come. The dates will come. The courtship.

The passion. I wish the psychologists and sexperts of the world would stop feeding me lines about how to get my marriage back on track after a baby — with these X of simple steps. Or how to get my body back. How to get my job back. I am not the same person. Growing and raising a human changes you deeply and permanently. My body will never come back.

My brain will never return to its pre-baby state.

My marriage will never be on the same track. My marriage track has been severed and re-bonded by a baby.

Can I be friends with this person 15 or so years from now? Do I want my husband by my side at soccer games?

Dance recitals? High school graduation?

Yes, I want to share these moments with him, and only him. At the moment, I may not have the hottest sex life, the most full social schedule, the most deep feelings of romantic love … towards my husband, or anything really. However, when that all changes, my husband will be ready when I am, with his free pass in hand — for me.

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